wow. tonight has just been a whirlwind of memories for me i guess. its 2010, i'm 23 years old and just thinking of how things have changed in the last five years blows me away. have a full time job, moved in with my boyfriend. this adult thing is weird, dont know how too fond i am of it. i usually come on this thing when i need to let it all out, get it off my chest -- to no one in particular. why is it that friendships dissolve into nothing, except you aren't completely aware of how it happened. sure, if you try to sit back and think of your entire history with a person, things are bound to be left out. tend to remember the good over the bad, but sometimes the bad trumps the good. meeting new people, losing loved ones, somehow creating enemies, it's how life goes.

losing my grandma was and still is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. she was such a huge part of my life - it's hard to understand how i've managed this long without her. she's missed out on so much, and there's so much i want to tell her, but i can't. she fought so hard for so long but she lost. my life has changed so much, she was always that one constant - always there with unconditional love. no one could ever love me the way she did, it was so powerful that i felt it with each hug, each phone call, and each glance my way. no one will ever share that bond with me again, it was ours and that will always stay with me. it's all i really have.